Mars vs Venus: The Linear Thing. Whatevs.

A few weeks ago, DH came into the house from the garage asking me to come look at something. “Can’t. Cleaning the bathroom,” I said while clipping my fingernails and planning what to make for supper.

“You’re kidding me. You started that two hours ago,” he replied incredulously.


“So? It is a big ass bathroom you know.” What I didn’t tell him – which he probably already knew — was that in those two hours I had also helped my daughter re-organize her closet, removed my fingernail polish, talked on the phone, went through the mail, embarked on a fly-swatting reconnaissance, and Facebooked.

Of course, this was all carried out intermittently with the bathroom detail.

Hi, I’m Misty, and I’m a zig-zagger.

I can’t seem to help myself.

It’s not just in the domestic-goddess realm either. I zig-zag when I shop, write, eat, pay bills, and exercise. Pretty much the only time I’m truly linear is when I read. (I can’t understand how people can read the ending of a story first! That would totally unwind my brain synapses.)

I like to think of this as creative multi-tasking, or taking the scenic route to job completion, or even non-paranoid productivity.

As you can imagine, this has caused my ultra linear husband to illicit more than a few raised eyebrows. Sometimes I hear him stalking approaching when I told him I’d be doing one thing—and of course I’m not—so I have to run back (literally) to the thing I told him I’d be doing. (Not that I feel guilty or anything. I just…do.)

Like right now.

I told him I was only going to pay bills (he’s waiting for the computer to work from home), but then I thought about this blog topic, and well, GEEZ, I wouldn’t want to forget any of this shit good stuff…I mean, right?! (He’s only had to ask me twice if I’m done yet.)

Thank goodness he’s the most patient person ever because someone else probably would have divorced me by now.

PS. Okay, so I know this isn’t totally a Mars vs. Venus thing because there are plenty of women who are very linear.

PSS. I can be linear when I absolutely have to be, but it makes me want to commit ritual suicide feels unnatural.

PSSS. Phrases like “stop and smell the roses” had to have come from zig-zaggers, so you linears should be grateful. Or something.

PSSSS. Anybody want a sandwich?

What about you? Are you a zig-zagger or a linear to-doer? If you’re a zig-zagger, do you feel like you need a support group and 12-step plan? If you’re a linear, do you feel superior are you glad? How have you suffered as a result of your predisposition?

4 thoughts on “Mars vs Venus: The Linear Thing. Whatevs.

  1. Carol Burnside / Annie Rayburn says:

    Oh, I’m totally with you on the zigzagging. My hubby also shakes his head – can’t relate. He tackles a job and goes after it until it’s done. Of course, then he just walks away. So I’m on my way from one task to another that occurred and what do I encounter? All his tools left behind. Well, I gotta move them and clean up his sh… um, stuff, don’t I? They’re in my way. An hour later, I remember that load of laundry that’s probably severely wrinkled by now and the Triberr list still needing to be approved and half-empty dishwasher. Somehow, though, it all gets done.

    • Misty Dietz says:

      LOL. Yes, oh boy, does that sound familiar. It’s almost a stream of consciousness thing, isn’t it? From the outside, it may look like we don’t have an attention span, but we just have a “grand plan.” Did I mention I’m full of shit a lot of the time too? :)

      Like you said, though, somehow it all gets done. Thanks so much for stopping by, Carol!

      ps. I bet you’re really good at zig-zagging back and forth between your alter-egos, too! :)

  2. SM Johnson says:

    I had to read to my linear husband. Because I am SUCH a zig-zagger. Constantly distracted. Always forgetting to switch the laundry… always asking myself, “Okay, now what the heck was I doing again?”

    PS – hey, the model on my book cover is in your blog banner. Dang it, I thought he was MINE. (In my dreams he’s mine, all of the time)

    • Misty Dietz says:

      I’m glad to hear from another zig-zagger, SM!! We have to unite…until we get distracted by something else. :)

      Yes, the man on my web header and on your cover…I call him Sexy Beast, and I totally think he’s got enough manly man in him for both of us. I’ll share! ;) Thanks for saying hey!

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